Across Two Worlds
by Faye Chua
Summary: Separation doesn't mean forgetting, and reunion doesn't mean all that is unsaid will come to light. Spoilers for latest manga releases. UPDATED 7th May! Current drabbles: Ichigo makes decisions and Rukia contemplates her place in Ichigo's world.
1. Imposed Solitude

Post 181 drabble  
Word count: 200  
For IchiRuki LJ theme #85 walking around with blinders on

**Imposed Solitude**

Soul Society is quieter now, after Ichigo and the others have left. The perfect conditions for Rukia to concentrate fully on getting her powers back, immerse herself completely in the rigorous training she requires, recall familiar movements from lessons she's taken before. And really, ever since she became a Kuchiki the whispers have followed her everywhere, commenting on every aspect of the street rat that became a noble. So why should these whispers be any different?

"_Did you hear the intruders came just to rescue her?"  
_

"_Why didn't she go with them?"  
_

"_Stupid! How can the human world compare with Soul Society? This is where a shinigami belongs!"_

She lets them talk, walks past them unseeing even as the whispers rise and fall as she enters the room. Because now, nothing else is important except for her goal. It's time she stopped protecting herself: she has to become stronger, so that she can protect others.

_And in her mind's eye, she fondly recalls an orange-haired boy, who left everything he knew to protect her, all because of foolish human emotions that no shinigami should have._

That's the reason why she stayed in Soul Society. For the moment, nothing else matters.


	2. Holding Out For A Hero

Post 187 drabble, spoilers for chapter 190  
Word Count: 190  
For IchiRuki LJ theme #44 inner strength

**Holding out for a Hero**

Hirako talks and Ichigo tries to ignore him, but what he says about shinigami with Hollow powers filters through his shields and sends a shiver down his spine. He can't help but recall that fellow that appeared during his fight with Byakuya, the one who whispers and mocks him when he gets frustrated with the drudgery of killing hollows. Who tells him that he shouldn't be wasting his energy on these weak creatures, that he should find more worthy opponents to conquer and to kill.

He's afraid that the third time he may not be strong enough to tear off that mask again.

But then he becomes aware of a strong blast of spiritual energy that could be a hollow, and he recalls an older time when he fought to protect others with powers borrowed from a sarcastic shinigami called Kuchiki Rukia. And he draws strength from that distant memory when Hirako tempts him with the possibility of knowledge and others like him, ignores the fact that there's a Hollow inside of him and tells the other boy assuredly:

"_I am a shinigami."_

That's what she taught him to be.

A/N: I know Holding Out For A Hero is typically a girl song, but I felt it was a fitting title, given that everyone expects Ichigo to be a hero but he has his own problems too.


	3. All Falls Down

Post 188 drabble, spoilers for chapter 195  
Word Count: 100  
For IchiRuki LJ theme #37 losing my grip

**All Falls Down**

Rukia is fine. She no longer has a malfunctioning gigai, and her shinigami powers are recovering quickly. She gets along better with Aniki now, though the both of them are still akward in their attempts to talk. Recently she went back to the 13th division, and caught up with Ukitake-taichou. She's finally returned, and she's happy she stayed.

Then Renji comes to the Kuchiki residence after the captain's meeting. He's all broad grins and swagger, as if he's very pleased about something. "We're going to the human world to help Ichigo with the Allankar. Wanna come along?"

Her world shatters.

A/N:  
Thanks to YunCyn, anGeL Hinaningyou and sinmay for their encouragement!


	4. One More Day

Post chapter 200  
Word Count: 500

_"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering."_ - Paulo Coelho

**One More Day**

Every night, Rukia cheerily wishes everyone goodnight as she enters his sister's room to sleep. Isshin will bid her sweet dreams, and asks if she needs tucking in, and Rukia will demure with a giggle and an embarrassed "No need for the trouble!". Watching with wry amusement, Karin remarks that he never lavished such affection on his own daughters, to which the old man replies that he has to make up for 15 years Rukia-chan has gone without Daddy's loving! Ichigo doesn't bother to tell him that Rukia's much older than that.

He also doesn't tell anyone that every night, after everyone else is in deep slumber, Rukia will creep back to his closet to sleep.

Some nights, she crawls inside without saying a word, only pausing to throw Kon out. Other nights, she will make some sarcastic remark, and they'll spend a few hours bickering softly and talking about random things.

And on yet other nights, his Hollow permit will activate, and the both of them, in shinigami form, will go out to hunt Hollows.

It's on one of those nights, returning from a regular Hollow extermination, that Ichigo suddenly realises that he's beginning to find all this _routine_, a part of a cycle that he's unconciously beginning to make space for in his life. And that thought is so horrifying that he actually pauses. Because (and he is never more aware of this than now, with Rukia in her shinigami robes and looking as other-worldly as when she first met him) eventually she'll have to go back to Soul Society and a part of his life would go all missing all over again. After all, she's only here because of the Allankar threat, and frankly he's looking forward to /that/ part of her stay to be over, so that he can stop worrying about everyone all the time. He'd also gladly skip the battles; just remembering the last one makes him clench his fists in anger and exasperation.

Which is another good reason for her to go back: one less person for him to fear for.

"Oi Rukia," he wants to ask. "How long are you staying this time?" And maybe she'll answer, "Don't ask silly questions." or "Once my job is done." An irrational part hopes she'll say, "I'm staying right here, idiot! You're always getting into trouble!"

Sometimes, he also wants to yell at her in frustration, "You said you were going to stay in Soul Society! Why d'you have to come back? Make up your mind, dammit!"

(He just needs a reply so that he can stop thinking about her, but he doesn't even let that thought fully register.)

But when she turns to him with bright eyes and a sarcastic comment about staring like an dimwit however, the words fade away before he can even form them. One more day won't hurt, he reasons. One more day to figure out what he should do.

He's not sure what that would be.


	5. Absolute Trust

**Absolute Trust  
**Word Count: 100  
Spoilers up to manga chapter 204

_Hurts_

She can hear the sounds of battle above her. Ichigo's fighting the Arrancar, despite her attempts to keep him away.

_Can't move_

And she **had** been succeeding, up until the second Arrancar had appeared. He'd done what she suggested, and let her fight. He was going to let her fight this battle too.

And what did she do? Get herself stabbed.

_Have to move!_

The problem, Rukia thinks as she rises, gritting her teeth in pain, is not that she shouldn't have returned. It's that she worries she's not yet worthy of the absolute trust he places in her.


	6. Time's Up

**Time's up**

Setting: Post chapter 213  
Word count: 100

_"Vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong..._ - Dashboard Confessional, Vindicated

Rukia shouldn't be here.

That's the one clear thought that resonates through his head after Rukia gets stabbed. It's there throughout school, as Yuzu asks if he's OK at dinner, when he's finally alone in his room.

Ichigo doesn't know WHAT that means. Perhaps Rukia shouldn't have come back from Soul Society. Or she should be elsewhere getting herself treated. Or she should have stayed the hell out of his life in the first place. Whatever it is, he's ABSOLUTELY sure things would be a lot better if Rukia wasn't here.

At least he wouldn't have caused her to suffer.


	7. Perceived Truths

**Perceived Truths**

Setting: Post Chapter 215, 217  
Word Count: 500

_Most of the change we think we see in life  
Is due to truths being in and out of favor._ - Robert Frost

Dinner at the Kurosaki's is a quiet affair.

Or at least it is after Karin shoots down Kurosaki-san's billionth attempt to cheer Yuzu up. Yuzu doesn't seem to fare so well in the silence, staring forlornly at the meal she set for Ichigo. She's a little like Ichigo in that way, adamant in her belief that he'll return. Karin ignores Yuzu's expression, helps herself to more vegetables. "It's so peaceful for once," she says nonchalently, and Rukia hunches over her rice, unsure if she should read into the accusation she sees there.

Rukia's never expected to be in Ichigo's world on her own.

Her plan was simple really. Go on this mission and sort out the mess she'd left in Ichigo's life. Attend his school to keep an eye on him. Make herself known to his family so that it'll be easier to help Ichigo protect them. Do her best to avoid suspicion.

Without Ichigo, the façade seems ridiculous. She didn't go to school today. Instead she searched through the town again for some hint, any hint of where Ichigo had gone. She traced down every stray imprint of his spiritual aura, went to places familiar and new. Some brought back memories, wistful and distant despite the distance of only a few months. Others were foreign, leaving the nagging thought she didn't know Ichigo as well as she'd believed. Back at his house, the nagging thought gnaws its way deeper as everyone dances around the ragged raw hole Ichigo's left behind, and the older hole Rukia has no right to know about but does.

She steadfastly avoids thinking about the hole that would have resulted if Ichigo had fallen in Soul Society.

She excuses herself from the table and heads upstairs before the rest. She means to go back to the room she shares with his sisters, but unintentionally pauses in the corridor. Ichigo's room is practically imprinted with his aura and the vague trickles drifting through the door draw her in. The room is both familiar and yet not: she's more used to climbing in through the window, to hearing a disgruntled greeting as she enters. It startles her, this expection.

It was foolish, she realises, to think there was space in Ichigo's world for her. She's displaced not only Ichigo but his friends as well, if Sado's training with Urahara was any indication. Their lives all changed after they met her, when she brought the weight of her world into theirs. And instead of backing away gracefully she disturbed their lives again and again, trying to fit into places she had no right to be.

She has imposed for long enough. He has people who need him, care for him.

"Don't worry Ichigo," she says aloud. "When you come back, I'll leave for Soul Society." This truth rings around the empty room and she grimly shuts the door, heads to her own borrowed bed.

After all, there was no place in her life for half-truths, closets and juiceboxes.


End file.
